Heart racing, palms sweating, upset stomach, pacing... sound familiar? Anxiety looks different on everyone, and it does not discriminate. It doesn’t matter how “put together” your life may seem, fear and anxiety can creep into your life without warning. Uninvited and unwelcome, it can still take residence in your life. I am a sufferer of both fear and anxiety, have been since I was a child. I’m here to let you know you are not alone.
I think that as a woman, taking care of everyone around us is first nature. We tend put ourselves on the back burner, day in and day out, without a second thought. Because of this, our mental health can take a hit. It’s your life, yet it can feel like you have no say in it.
There are so many factors that go into gaining control of your own life. For me, it was accepting that something was “off”, learning my triggers and seeking outside help. The stigma behind therapy and mental health medications is a crock of shit! There is absolutely nothing wrong with either of those, and don’t let others tell you there is. It’s ok if you choose not to utilize those tools, but that’s YOUR choice to make, no one else’s. Remember that.
Once you dive deep into your anxiety, hopefully you can identify what triggers you. For me it is anything medical (I have to premeditate just to go to regular doctors appointments, I shit you not) and not being able to reach my people is the other. When someone doesn’t answer when you call, most people think “they are probably busy”, where as I think “Welp, they must be dead”... dramatic I know, but true. Those two things are my major triggers. Those are the things that can send me spiraling But since I have identified them, I know how to approach those situations with a more rational force. And because of that, things are less chaotic When they happen. That’s not to say I still don’t struggle, but for the most part, I cope better. Having people that fight the fight with me makes me feel stronger (thanking my husband Raf, Kels and Tor...one breakdown at a time).
How do we figure out these triggers? I had to ask myself hard questions and expose the shit buried. I’m not a therapist, nor do I have any medical credentials, I just know what’s helped me over the years. But hey, those don’t work for you, then you keep going through different avenues until you find out what works. You are your very best advocate.
If it feels like everyone around you has their shit together, look closer, they don’t. It’s all a song and dance. Most of us are just going through the motions, especially right now. If it seems their lives weren’t rocked to the core during a world wide pandemic, ask them. Especially moms (teachers should be paid so much more). Without the aid of people that love my kids like their own, I wouldn’t have made it this far (shout out to the MPV, Haley). Did you see that the alcohol consumption went up 400% in some big box distributors? That’s insane, but sadly not surprising. Everyone was just trying to cope. And in the middle of a health crisis, alcohol shouldn’t be where we turn... but we did. Maybe if we had a better health care system and mental health wellness was more of a priority, things would be different, but who knows.
I tend joke and laugh about my fears and anxiety because if I’m not laughing, I’m crying. So, I choose laughter. Like I have said in previous posts, sarcasm is my go to, it’s a knee jerk reaction. I can find humor in the darkest times and I think that’s how I survive (Tara and Amanda and Lindy, thanks for filling my dark humor cup). It seems we have all been navigating from one shit show to another over the past year. You gotta do what works for you. Hold your head above water and look around for solid ground.
Anxiety and fear are real, but so is healing. It’s natural to compare our journeys to others, but the fact is, they never look the same. And if the journey doesn’t look the same, the healing won’t either. Don’t see someone on social media and assume they have it all figured out. Don’t waste your time chasing a perfect Pinterest life, you’ll get tired. Know when to say no to things when you are overwhelmed. Seek guidance when something seems off. And for the love of God, don’t believe that mental health awareness is taboo. It’s not. I’m done with that negativity train. It’s a no from me.