Almost 12 years ago I became a mom. It was exactly then, that I learned what happened to all the “mean girls” from high school. They all formed an alliance and made it their job to make other moms feel bad about how they parent. It’s called “mom shaming” and IT’S STUPID. I see this every single day on different platforms. Social media is a wonderful space for a lot of reasons, but it also gives people a computer to hide behind. So people get brave and say mean things that they wouldn’t dare say in person. If you know one of those moms, remind them that shaming isn’t what the cool kids are doing, so they should stop. If you are one of those moms...STOP!
We are so hard on ourselves as moms. I already feel like I suck at mommin’ on the regular, I don’t need anyone’s reassurance on that (thanks but no thanks). And I’m going to speak for my girlfriends and say they don’t need it either. I know I have said things before that I meant no harm by, but they don’t help, they hurt. I’m not sure why some of us mamas seem to lack in the confidence department, but we do, so we need to be lifting each other up. There’s no space for tearing other moms down. I wish I knew why there are women out there who think the only way to feel good about themselves is to put others down, but I can’t figure it out.
I don’t parent the way you do, or the way my mom does, or even the way my best friend does . This means that I don’t get to tell them that what they are doing is wrong. Being a mom is hard af. A lot of parenting is like a guessing game, we just feel our way through different challenges. Sometimes we need to reach out or vent. You might have tips and tricks on how to get someone’s kids to eat something besides chips and muffins. If a mom is struggling with that, drop her your knowledge all day! But don’t be an asshole. She’s not asking because she wants to be schooled or shamed, she are asking because she wants her kids to eat something other than chips and muffins...that’s it. We all need help, but we also need kindness and grace.
We all don’t have to do the same things with our kids. For instance, I’m not a “play pretend” mom. I used to want to be that mom so badly (and i still envy that about them), but then I realized its okay that I’m not that mom. I don’t make pretend cookies or play with imaginary dogs, but i can offer my kids different fun and play time. I can host a hell of a dance party and I can color with the best of them. And guess what? My kids enjoy those things! This doesn’t make my parenting wrong, it makes my parenting different from the moms that do enjoy playing pretend... that’s it. We can play how we want to play or we can just entertain. And some days we can just survive. As long as you show your kids you love them, they will feel it, but we all have crap days. It’s OKAY.
As my kids have gotten older i have noticed that everyone seems to have an opinion on “screen time”. It’s wonderful that some moms limit their kids tv, tablet and phone time, as there is tons of research that supports this decision. Not all moms choose that, and thats okay. Another thing I hear often is “you cuss an awful lot”. It’s true. I do cuss, I call them sentence enhancers (LOL). No, I don’t want my kids walking about dropping the F bomb, but i can promise you if they did, it would be 100% my fault (or my mom’s haha). And I will cross that bridge when we get there. That’s the cool thing about being a mom, I get to teach them better. So when you hear another mom cuss, its because they are adults and they are allowed. If you don’t use swear words, I’m down with that, but just know, I do. So, for all the cussing mamas, it’s okay, I’m right there with you. We are all in this shit show together.
Twenty twenty has tested all of us. Moms that were not equipped to teach school age kids were given no choice but to become an assistant teacher (and a personal assistant to their kids). Moms that worked full time outside the home were forced to quit, bring their kids to work, or told they could work from home amidst the chaos. Moms that already homeschooled were challenged with limited tools and texts that were previously abundant. Stay at home moms were unable to have a moment of peace because their normal “adult time” outside of the home was unattainable. Single moms were forced to wear yet another hat. Pregnant moms had to go to joyous or heartbreaking OB appointments solo. Moms with newborns couldn’t have celebrations or any outside help due to fear of a deadly virus. It completely shook us all to the core. We all were just trying to survive, yet some women were still finding time to hate on other moms, like WTF? No need for all that... we are all just trying to keep our head above the water. Women can be tough, and very resilient, but my goodness we need be cut some slack! So, mom shaming... it’s a no from me. Nothing but love, sarcasm, and embracing over here (and probably some cussing).
